Knowing is Half the Battle: 10 Combat-Tested G.I. Joe Tee Shirts

As a young child, I was obsessed with the G.I. Joe franchise, to the point that it easily eclipsed other 80′s pop culture icons of the era, such as The A-Team, Star Wars, Transformers or even The Legend of Zelda. Like most of my peers, it started, innocently enough, with the 3 & 3/4″ toy figures but quickly spread to include both the Marvel comic books (fairly textured given their pulpy pedigree) and the animated cartoons, which aired daily in the afternoon (not so textured…). Even better, all of this was tacitly encouraged by my father, himself a lifelong Army man. As it was, my fixation reached its natural apotheosis in 1986 when I found the coveted Hovercraft stashed under the family Christmas Tree, alongside an outsized cache of plastic people both scary good and Cobra bad.

As time passed and my interest in toys waned, the love affair with Joe faded into a pastiche of nostalgia-tinged childhood memories. And there it mostly sat, inert, until earlier this year, when I saw what purported to be a trailer for a long-rumored, live-action film (in theory, the first of several…). I say purported because the footage in question did not look like the Joe I knew, or cherished. I mean, Delta 6 Accelerator suits, anyone?

Having only the teaser to judge by, it looks like a typical Hollywood hachet job: all flash, no heat. It’s easy to kvetch about some studio trashing this or that property, but this new aesthetic is a canned, modernized Joe that’s been distilled through the Halo phenomenon and throughly divorced from its more humble roots. And here’s the rub: despite all of my aforementioned apprehensions, despite the lack of any real star power or casting cred, despite all of the disturbing news emanating from assorted movie blogs, I will still see this movie when it opens on August 7th. That’s simply how strong its pull is…

In any case, as with a number of other fanboy-friendly films released earlier this year, I’ve compiled a gallery of my fave G.I. Joe-themed t-shirts available for purchase online. These samples include everything from officially-licensed designs to vintage pieces, and inspired parodies to snarky knock-offs. If you’re looking to show your support for the franchise or tap back into your formative years, you could do worse than picking up one or more of these great tees. Final notes: there’s no real structure here, so don’t read anything into the order. Also, click on the picks to link through.

1. I always try to pepper my lists with a clever spoof (or two). Take this shirt, for instance, from Psycho Reindeer, which reimagines the toy figures as members of the Village People. For the record, I believe that’s, from left to right, Wild Bill, Shipwreck, Dusty (?), and Gung Ho.

2. eBay, as we all know, is a great source for deadstock items; I found this eye-catching throwback from the mid-80s with a minimum of digging. Now, about that $99 starting bid…

3. Our third shirt features a timeless design, recognized the world over. Paraphrasing Quoting the source material, let’s hear it: “Yo! Joe!”

4. Here we have a similar tact, only applied to a distressed cammo. Very apropos… something like this is never out of fashion.

5. Good guys, of course, would be nothing without their dramatic foil. To this end, no collection of Joe-themed tops would be complete without the classic Cobra logo.

6. Everyone knows that the Snake Eyes was always the coolest and most mysterious Joe. This sneaky little design speaks to both points, the slash marks over the breast bone revealing his Arashikage ninja clan heritage.

7. A more traditional take on Snake Eyes, this shirt borrows original comic book artwork for the occasion. Also featured is Timber, his pet wolf.

8. If you watched the cartoon, you’ll probably remember that every episode closed with a (ham-fisted) Public Service Announcement. A Joe or two would impart some random advice about this or that, and kids (always kids) would retort that “Now We Know.” This, of course, gave birth to the campy handle — “Knowing is Half the Battle” — that graces this post’s headline. The funny people at Snorg Tees have repurposed it for the following slogan shirt.

A relevant clip illuminates the practice:

9. Full-print costume tees are all the rage these days. Check out this example which replicates Flint’s trademark uniform.

10. As is generally the case, I’m not particularly enamored with any of the new licensed tie-ins. This shirt, though, I suppose is the best in class (which isn’t saying much)…

In the event you haven’t watched it, here is the most recent trailer for G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

I’m a Real American Hero: travis@founditemclothing.com

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