10 Seminal Dates in Lobster History

One of the really great aspects about editing this blog is the creative control that comes along with it. With very few exceptions, my boss has given me the green light to explore whatever impulses subjects I want, even if they fall outside the realm of tee shirts (ostensibly our bread-and-butter here at Found Item Clothing) or our stated purview: “Movies, Clothing, Culture.”

With great freedom, as they say, comes great opportunity…

And today’s list was definitely born of such editorial liberty. Inspired, in turns, by a strange dream, a late night drinking session with strippers friends, and general curiosity, it marks something of a new direction.

Without further adieu, then, I present you with a list — drum roll, please — of 10 Seminal Dates in Lobster History, starting from the top.

10. 1820 — Maine is granted statehood. Though fished by residents for decades before that, subsequent advances in harvesting, packaging and refrigeration transform the lobster from an everyday foodstuff for the poor into a exotic delicacy served at luxurious restaurants the world over. Overfishing has been a problem in recent memory, but according to the Maine Lobster Council, the state’s annual catch still exceeds 72 million pounds, thereby pouring roughly 300 million dollars into the local economy.

9. 1968 — According to a tearjerking bio on the company’s website, the first Red Lobster opens in Lakeland, Florida. 41 years later, there are more than 680 locations spread out over the United States and Canada. My only question is: will anyone actually admit to eating here? And to that, let me recall a famous lyric from the Beastie Boys’ “B-Boy Bouillabaisse” that kinda implies they did: “Had to much to drink at the Red Lobster/ now the room’s spinning around like the blades of a helicopter.”

8. 2008 — As part a promotional campaign, footwear giant Nike introduces their signature shoe, The Dunk, in lobster form. The butt-ugly orange-and-red motif is finished with a picnic-table insole and rubber bands around the toe shells because… in the marketplace, lobsters are tagged with said bands on their claws to prevent them from cannibalizing one another when in close quarters. Sneaker nerds go ga-ga for this limited-edition release, buying and selling pairs on eBay for hundreds of dollars.

7. 1835 — The term crustacean enters the dictionary. According to Merriam-Webster, it refers to “any of a large class (Crustacea) of mostly aquatic mandibulate arthropods that have a chitinous or calcareous and chitinous exoskeleton, a pair of often much modified appendages on each segment, and two pairs of antennae and that include the lobsters, shrimps, crabs, wood lice, water fleas, and barnacles.” Got that? Good, there will be a quiz later. (Bonus: Latin nerds can find the etymology here.)

6. 1998 — In a classic episode of The Simpsons from Season 10, Homer “adopts” a runt-ish lobster from the supermarket with the idea of fattening him up for later consumption (“[I'll] eat the profits!”). After nicknaming him “Pinchy”, Homer bonds with the crustacean in a series of absurdist situations — only to finally eat him in a fit of conflicted tears.

5. 1988 — Opining on the complicated state of gender interplay and relationship etiquette, a then 18-year old O’Shea Jackson (better known by his stage name, Ice Cube), makes it clear that he won’t be “juiced” by the fairer sex on “I Ain’t tha 1,” (one of the best, if overlooked, cuts from N.W.A.’s legendary debut, Straight Outta Compton). Amidst a dizzying stream of crude creative sexual metaphors, Cube surfs this devastating put-down into hip-hop immortality:

I think with my ding-a-ling, but I won’t bring no
Flowers to your doorstep, when we goin’ out
Cause you’ll take it for granted, no doubt
And after the date, I’m a want to do the wild thing
You want lobster, huh? I’m thinking Burger King

I Aint Tha 1 (Edited) (2000 Digital Remaster) – N.W.A.

Thugging for the cameras.

Unable to speak communicate effectively with the outside world, lobsters can only protest in silence as this new and unfair characterization of them as the food of choice for discriminating b-yatches everywhere takes root.

4. 1996 — On an episode in Season 2 of Friends, the ever-clever Phoebe dispenses some sage advice based on evolutionary biology, telling a despairing Ross that he and and Rachel will come together because “she’s your lobster.” No joke, yo.

Too bad this show still isn’t funny.

3. 1962 — Proving the old adage that two great tastes go better together, East Coast chefs pair lobster and steak, thereby creating the ultimate meal for men of all ages: Surf-n-Turf. As with most issues of historical record, debate still rages about the true origins of the dinner of champions.

2. Late 1990′s/Early 2000′s — Glove enthusiasts and outdoors-types (such as cyclists and surfers) rejoice as the lobster claw mitten finds its way into mainstream acceptance. The inventor remains anonymous even now, but a pic characteristic of this groundbreaking invention is embedded below.

1. 1978 — New Wave eccentrics, the B-52′s, release their breakout single, the infectious, non-sensical and dance-floor friendly “Rock Lobster.” Theories on its importance and origin proliferate to this very day…

Leftovers:

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